I used to think that I wasn't good enough, that I wouldn't find anyone who would fall in love with me. I thought that I was the complete opposite of someone that you could love. I thought I was a loser. I still sort of think that but not as much. My thoughts have been altered.
They changed when I met you, well when you told me that you liked me. It really gave me the boost that I needed, to think that an 18 year old could fall in love with me. So now that that's happened I can think well, if an 18 year old can like me who couldn't?
But I still think I'm not the best choice for anyone. I mean how could anyone love someone with pimples and scars all over their face? It doesn't look very nice. Maybe I'm only falling in love with people who go for my personality not my looks. But even then I'm weird.
Yes, I have had suicidal thoughts but I've always found an excuse to live. I have had a lot of thoughts about hurting myself and stuff. Like whenever I'm in a car I think about getting in a car crash and breaking a bone or something. I want to break either my right arm (so I don't have to play my trumpet and I can get some sympathy) or one of my legs (just for the sympathy). Every time I think about that though I think about something that I wont be able to do if that does happen. I do think about cutting myself but, again, I find an excuse not to do it.
As you can see I chicken out of a lot of things. I don't always stick to my plans, though I like to be organised.
I have so much to live for but sometimes I need an extra 'kick' to keep me going and all my friends provide that for me.
Thank You,
Jacinta
<3
No comments:
Post a Comment