<3 This week <3

I had been feeling very down not too long ago (last wedk I think) and now I have really perked up and stopped giving a shit about what had happened. If something good comes out of it; awesome! If not; who really cares anyway? This week has been a really good week and I hope next week is the same, or even better!

Anyway, I have to go I'm on my way home from school band practice, I just thought I should let y'all know what's been happening.

Have a good evening/night/morning/day/afternoon!
<3 Jacinta

"My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations" - John Green

My mind's a cluttered mess. A place you don't want to see. A home you don't want to have. The stress of school to the frustration of loving someone, it's all in there; everything. I don't know what I'm thinking half the time. Even trying to write this is difficult because I can't bring any one thought to the surface to write down properly so I'm just gonna write down whatever comes to my head and it probably won't make sense.

(By the way Not every line is about the same 'thing')

He doesn't like me.
I really like him though.
But look what he's done.
I don''t like that teacher
I'm not learning anything
It's too hard
Oh my god
I don't want to be around anymore
I want to change my classes but I want to keep some of them but if I change one class I won't be able to keep some of the others
I hate this
I hate you
I hate life
I wish everything was easier
I'm a fuck up
I shouldn't have done that
What more can I do?
I love him
I feel bad about a lot of things
I don't remember what it's like not to be overwhelmed with thoughts
I wish everything was better again
I've always been like this
I freak out too much
Who are you to tell me what I can or can't do to my OWN body!?
I want my nose pierced
*sigh*
I'm hungry
I'm too skinny
I need help
I wish it was the weekend
I wish I never had to go to school again
I have to work next Friday night, which reminds me, I have to ask mum if I'm allowed to or not
What is life?
Chocolate...
You're a funny one :')
Talking... HAHA What a funny thing!
I miss you so much more than you think...
I just want your hug
I need you more than ever
At least I'm not ignoring you like some other people have
Why do you have to work so much?
I'm a horrible person to hang out with
Why would anyone want to go out with me
I don't like all this homework
Too many text books!
*sigh*
How do I even have friends?
BLOODY SPACE KEY!

These are only some of my thoughts but I think you get the picture...

Confused? There you go, you now know sorta what it feels like to be me...

Let down again.

All I want to do is hang out with you but you keep hurting yourself so you can't walk. I know you don't mean to do it but I just want to see you. I miss you. I miss you a lot. I just want a hug from you, a kiss from you, I want to be able to look into your eyes again.

I was looking forward to tomorrow but now there's nothing to look forward to so why wake up tomorrow? Can I just skip to Friday so I can get my hair cut? And then skip from there to the next time I get to see you?

I haven't been feeling very good lately and no one knows that. But I just want your hug. Your hug will make me feel better, I know, it's worked before.

Just please don't hurt yourself again so we can hang out. I need you more than anything right now...





Disclaimer: That probably didn't make much sense but "My thoughts are stars I can't fathom into constellations" meaning; whatever I'm thinking I can't write down because I'm thinking too much.

A Few Days Too Long

I’ve sat here for a while

Waiting for that call

Did I get it?

Or did I not?

The call that seals my future

The call that decides my fate

Waiting for that call

A few days too long

When will they call?

How much longer shall I wait?

I’ll wait a little longer

Waiting for that call

They said that they would call me

They said that I should wait

A few days, just a few days

A few days too long

I put in my application

I did my audition piece

I hope I did well

I hope I got the spot

So now I’m just waiting

Waiting by the phone

Will they call to say I got it?

Or will they keep me waiting?

I’m waiting for the call

The call that seals my future

The call that decides my fate

Waiting for that call

A few days too long

This is a poem that I just wrote while in English class. I got the inspiration from a friend, she's waiting for a call from the university to see if she got in or not.

A Friend Forever

Look at me
See, look at me
My smile is here
I'm feeling good

Look at me
Just look at me
I'm a different person
Because of you

This is the new me
This is who I'll be
I am me, you are you
Apart, forever we will be

We'll meet again
My dear friend
We'll always be here
For each other

The things we've done
The fun we've had
Nothing can compare
To the times we've shared

Our friendship will go far
And you'll see how much I care
To lose you would be like losing a part of myself
Like ripping off an arm or a leg: it would be painful

I want to be
Your friend forever
I want to be
Close to you

I want to know
That you'll always be there
I want to know
That you care

So here we are
My dear friend
Here we are
We've met again

Can you see
Our friendship's true?
Can you see
I never want to lose you?


This is a poem that I wrote in English class while we were supposed to be watching a movie. It's directed towards a very good friend of mine that I never want to lose, no matter what. <3

How?

How do you tell someone how you feel when you don't even know how you feel?

How do you tell someone that it hurts when you don't want to let them down?

How do you hide the pain that you keep inside?

How do you tell someone exactly how much they mean to you?

How are you supposed to be happy when all you want to do is break down and cry?

How is everything OK?

How do I make this feeling go away?

How? Tell me how!?

I'm breaking down. I'm on the edge. I can't believe that this is happening. I can't believe that someone would do this to me.

How am I supposed to tell you what they want me to tell you when I don't even want to tell you?

How? Fucking hell, HOW!?

How is everything gonna to be OK?!

I'm not going to tell you. I'm not going to let people tell me what to say. Fuck this is my own life I do whatever I want. If I get hurt it's my own fault, not yours, not hers, no ones but mine.

Just ignore them sweetie. It's not what I want; it's what they want.

I'M NOT LISTENING ANYMORE.

I Just Realised...

I just realised something tonight. There is absolutely no fucking way that I'm over my EX. It's been a year and a half since he broke up with me and ever since I've been lying to my friends about being over him. I'm not, and I don't think I ever will be.

My friends, I am truly sorry for lying to you about this. I thought I was over him but I just cant stop thinking about him now. I cant stop wondering if he thinks about me. Does he? Why should he? He's not some stupid little girl that keeps dwelling on the past, that's me.

I don't know what to do with myself. How can I stop thinking about him? How can I let these feelings go? I have someone new in my life and I'm just gonna fuck it up if I don't stop thinking about him but I can't. I just can't. He's there, always there. In the back of my mind. All those memories coming back. All the times we spent together. All the fun that we had.

Will i ever be the same? Will you ever get out of my mind? Will i fuck things up? All these questions, and more, run through my head each passing moment.

I'm not over you, Lewis.

I'm sorry, my friends, for lying to you about this. Now the secrets out.

Jacinta <3

My Poems

I like to express my feelings through poetry now. I find it a lot easier to show how I really feel. Some of my best poems are written in times when I'm not feeling the best. Most of my poems are thoughts that I've actually had or what I think other people are thinking.

I keep all my poems in different places. My Ipod, random pieces of paper in a display folder, and on Facebook. People shouldn't get too worried about my poems. They're just words on paper. You never know, in the future I could make money off these poems.

Just a quick update because I'm home from school because I'm sick. Hopefully I'll get better soon.

Jacinta <3
DFTBA

You've Done It This Time

Hello, my lovely people. How are we all? I'm going good.

Why is writing blog posts so hard when all you want to say is hateful things but you know if you do it'll all come flying back at you? Why do I feel the need to write those things? Because that's how F fucking feel. I...just......GAHHHHHHH

WHY WON'T YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR SHIT!
THIS IS MY LIFE NOT YOURS. YOU CAN NOT DECIDE WHAT I DO. THAT'S MY JOB SO FUCK YOU.

Do not tell me what I can and can not wear. Do not tell me to wake up when I'm already awake. Do not tell me that I look sad because I already know that I look fucking sad. I have enough shit to worry about without you telling me what to do. We used to be good friends. That's right USED to be. Not anymore.

Don't talk to me. Shut your mouth. You think we've sorted it out, we haven't. You haven't even talked to me about it. You've got the wrong idea dude. Get over it. I don't care.

I'm sorta glad that I wont be seeing you until Tuesday because of the long weekend. It gives me enough time to prepare myself to hold in all this anger that's gonna come in the week ahead.

You've done it this time man.

Goodbye

Jacinta

Is There Something Wrong With Me? Or Is It You?

That space, that space, it's closing up. That space in my life for you my friend is closing up and I cant stop it, and I don't really care.

Help me, help me, I'm going now. I'll leave you here by yourself. I'll leave you with so many unanswered questions.You want to know the answers but they're nowhere to be found.

I don't want to die but I just don't think I can hang with you anymore. I feel bad about this but it's better for me. You make me feel like shit every day. You don't want me to go out with Jeremy because you're jealous. Well listen to this; I DON'T CARE. I love him and that's all that matters. You feel like your losing me because you are. You're doing this to yourself, to me.

You decide what you want to do now. I've already decided for me. They'll probably be the exact opposite but you know what? FUCK YOU. Fuck you and everything you've said to me. It doesn't help, nothing you say helps it only makes things worse. That's why I don't tell you anything. You just make things fucking worse.

I shouldn't care about what you say. It's supposed to not get to me but it fucking does. OK? It fucking does.

So you can go fuck yourself away from me and I hope you can either do something to change yourself and come back or you just choose to stay away. It's probably better for the both of us.

FUCK YOU AND YOUR WORDS!