My love life is so complicated.
So many people to keep happy.
No time to actually love.
I cant just sit down with that one guy to chat without being interrupted by someone else.
I'm never alone there's always someone around me.
I cant let my feelings out without it sounding stupid.
I'm too hard on myself, can't do anything without putting myself down.
Everything I say goes through my head to be judged. It always comes out bad though.
When I want to talk to anyone, before I speak I analyse every word I want to say to make sure I don't make a fool out of myself.
But I do that anyway, without even trying, so it doesn't make a difference.
I'm not sure if love is the thing for me.
i like it a lot but its just to hard to please everyone when your in love.
There will always be this hole in my heart. From the first time I got dumped. It will never be filled until I get married or that one special guy heals it for me.
Even if we don't date it could still be fixed, making it easier for me in the future.
Everything is hard for me nowadays.
I don't know when it all started, but I want it to stop.
I want the "happy me" back. She's there occasionally but I want her all the time. Well, most of the time. Not this "I'll visit every once in a while" crap.
EVERY FUCKEN DAY! At least once a day!
I'm getting better, emotionally, mentally and even with relationships, though that one is very slow.
Maybe I should stop trying to please EVERYONE.
Maybe I should only please the people who care. The ones who want me to get better. The people close to me.
I don't care what everyone else thinks. This is my life. I'll live it my way!
So if you want me to change for you, you can FUCK OFF!!
Nobody's perfect. No one can be happy all the time, that isn't the way human beans work. If we were then we'd be robots. But happiness can be found merely observing the magnificence the clouds formed today, or the laughter of a small child, or the pleasure of sliding that last piece of chocolate down your throat. The little things count. And love grows. Don't forget to forgive; both them and yourself. Its a part of healing. This is growing up.
ReplyDeleteDo what makes you happy. If need be make it seem like you are offline to everyone else just so you can talk to this special guy. Stop over analyzing. I know it is easier to say then to do, but if you just go with the flow you will see what you say is the right thing to say, and it is when you analyze to much it becomes foolish. I love you cinta always know that <3
ReplyDelete